Being a submissive is not always an easy route to take, but in many ways it can be the most intensely intimate relationship one can hope to find themselves in. What makes someone a submissive? What could possibly make someone allow another human being to paddle their backside with a wooden brush until they are wretching in pain and then say thank you at the end of it and genuinely mean it? It is difficult to explain to anyone outside that world, the pleasure a submissive receives from knowing her Dominant is happy, whatever that means, and when it is done within her Hard Limits.
You must remember that in its rawest form, being a submissive is as natural a mindset as being straight or gay. It is the way you are made and the way your mind works as a way to bring you pleasure – whether that is physical or sexual pleasure, or as innocent as feeling emotionally safe in a warm embrace from your Dom. In hindsight, before the path of submission came into my life, it felt pale by comparison. Of course that is no direct reflection on the men who had been in my life up to that point. Merely that between us, our minds and bodies could not hope to live up to what is possible between a submissive and her Dominant.
Being submissive does not make you weak or less worthy of a kind loving partner. You should not expect to be walked over, disrespected or ridiculed just because you are inclined toward submitting. If these are you aims as a submissive then I would suggest you are coming from a negative place and will struggle to find true, longterm peace with yourself or in your position within the relationship. As with any relationship, the best foundation to build from is a steady one where the couple begin as two happy, independent individuals who ultimately want to bring positivity into each others’ lives. The same must be said of a sub/Dom – more so even, because the nature of the relationship could become damaging if the demands made by the Dom come from a place of hate or a reaction to something wrong in their own life.
A sub is not a punchbag, metaphorically or literally.
If your path of submission is more than one night of sexual gratification with a playmate then you must be secure in your Dom’s love for you before you can hope to get any kind of satisfaction or release from him and the situation. Without the respect, this type of relationship could seriously damage the sub’s psyche and happiness.
Sub/Dom should not be a dependent relationship but co-dependent – each partner offering something to the other in return for openness, honestly, love and willingness to explore and push each other both physically and mentally in ways that those outside that world would struggle to understand as joy, pleasure or love.
Your Dominant should keep you on the pedestal he put you on by choosing to take you as his sub.
The sub’s health and happiness must be at the heart of his every decision. In turn, the sub must willingly give their Dom their complete submission to fulfill activities as their respectful Dom sees fit – this may be for his own sexual or personal gain but by fulfilling the Dominant’s wishes, the submissive will also gain pleasure and satisfaction. Pleasing him is her aim. It is this mutual understanding and respect which takes it from Slave/Master which is also a legitate relationship type but one which can slip into a negative grey area if the Master is not careful.
As with any 21st century relationship of equals, or unless it is expressed and discussed and the sub is going in willingly, the Dom should not use the sub for his every demand or whim. Neither should he humiliate the sub for his own personal pleasure. Everything is relative and one persons’ Hard Limit will vary greatly to another’s. Some sub’s give up total control of every aspect of their life; others agree to give up sexual control only, while others want all their limits to be pushed so as to feel, both physically & emotionally, the complete depths and dizzying heights of human nature.
This is me.