Sound and sight deprivation.
These appeal to me because I can lose myself entirely..that phrase makes so much sense to me when I put it into this context. I do not find myself sexual, sexy or remotely attractive. I am ‘with’ myself morning noon and night. I see myself first thing in the morning and last thing at night; I know what I look like when I have taken out my victory rolls after an evening of being a vintage burlesque queen and my back combed hair is still hairsprayed in all directions; I see my tomato red face after an evening spent choreographing my latest show and know how badly I need a shower after it too!! I am not sexy. Humans are not designed to be sexy…we are animals…designed for baser things than nail varnish and the latest celebrity scent. We are made to instinctively and primally connect with another through scent, hormones, chemistry. This is sexy…humans who can learn to fuck like animals, without a care, and let go of social and media crap fed to us that we must look a certain way or do certain things to be good lovers are the luckiest people I know.
I can’t do this..I am too aware of myself, my flaws, my unease, my vulnerabilities, my past hurts and my ingrained, feminine need to be ‘perfect’.
Sub on the other hand has none of these issues. She is a part of me. One which does not need human requirements…she simply exists pristinely and beautifully in my psyche, usually residing on a pink chaise longe or in her cage, depending on mine or Dom’s mood until she is called upon to come to the fore, at which point in time I put ‘Me’ to bed (literally…i tuck her up in my head and let her rest) allowing sub full access to whatever she needs to be fulfilled and to satisfy my submissive tendencies.
So losing myself is almost a literal (if internal) happening for me, which is only enhanced by deprivation of my senses. Its a known fact that if you lose one sense then another gets stronger to help make up for it…so I thought losing two might make it even more exciting. Three, if you include the bound wrists meaning I couldn’t touch where i would usually like to touch on both myself and my Dom.
I could only be touched, moved, kissed, bitten, scratched, spanked, fucked and ultimately pleasured under his command and how he wanted me to be used.
This was my first experience of non vanilla sex. Being unable to not only not move myself was interesting, but to be unable to hear and react to instructions given, whilst simultaneously losing my spatial awareness due to the blindfold made for one exciting first time.
I could hear a muffled command from him whilst i lay immobile on my front across the bed, but without the ability to hear or move all i could do was await his hands on me, positioning me where I was needed. Suddenly finding myself lifted clear off the bed and bent over it, legs apart, hands tied at the base of my spine and feeling him pushing into me slowly, nerves overreacting wildly to my sensory losses,
I gave myself up to the primal all-ness and nothing-ness and totally and utterly lost myself.