It’s palpable…this need in me.
I feel it streak my chest – zig zag through my heart,
Through my stomach…those butterflies…they live on.
They have been active these past few days…
Every so often relieving themselves of their self imposed chrysalis of self preservation…
Awakening when You come alive in my mind uninvited.
It is you who streaks through my chest…through my heart….through my stomach
Just as you did, just as you have always done and just as you always will.
The physical presence may not be felt anymore, but the feelings, the memories, the need is as alive as ever was.
There is nothing can be done about that…I have tried. I cast you aside in my mind, but you are bigger than my mind can manage now – I cannot contain you or cordon you off as I once could.
And so I sit with the feelings; the pain, the lust, the pleasure, the need, the wanting, the aching, the masochistic desire to feel it all despite knowing it cannot be mine, or real. Why?
The question will hang over me for the rest of my time on this earth…something so perfect. Something so unending…something so much bigger than us both, must remain hidden away, a dirty secret only we know. The Master and submissive of our own destiny now…but yet my obedient heart longs still for what it had.
The mind can only keep control for so long before the heart will swallow it whole and drown me once again in the past.
That is where you will find me Sir, until the tide of You once again retreats when I will be left to be comforted by another, for reasons he cannot ever understand.
And so the cycle will continue.