“Not today little one”, he whispered softly in my ear before he left for work.
My sleep hazed brain struggled to find meaning behind those words before the clarity of full consciousness hit me and my heart sunk.
As a new submissive, I was at a point where all I wanted was to be pinned down hard and fucked harder. I wanted his breath on my skin, his tongue flicking over every inch of my body, his fingers deep in my mouth, his eyes boring into mine as his hard cock does the same.
Every tiny millimetre of my body was alive and on fire with desire for him. His body was on my mind constantly and it was overwhelming my mind. I would think of him every second of the day and fall asleep with thoughts of him, before dreaming of my submission and waking up needing it more than ever.
And yet here I am, waking up to “Not today little one.” Again.
The unquenched desire this left me with flooded my body once again as his warm, whispered words rang through my head. “Not today”.
I was uncertain how I would get through another day in this state. Or would it be more than a day? Two days? Three? A week? A month?
I shuddered inwardly. What happens to this intense energy if it is left unvented? It’s like my chest and stomach swirl with magic, glitter, fire, absinthe…something which leaves me unable to think or concentrate. My mind is overwhelmed and I crave the peaceful state of submission, his touch and the pain of release his clever hands offer.
My hand snakes down to my pussy and I feel my heat and wetness through my panties, and sense the deep longing there more intensely than I think I have ever experienced it.
“Not today Little one.”
I yank my hand out from under the covers and slam it back on top of the bed, frustrated.
Why is he making me wait I cry out in my mind? It’s not benefitting either of us…he wants me on my knees begging, I want his hands around my neck forcing my wet mouth down onto his cock…we want what the other is willing to give, yet…he’s not willing to give it. Is it punishment? Did I do something wrong? Is this the way it is going to be now? Just memories, unquenchable fire and desperation?
And then I feel it. A wave of bliss and peace from within my soul crash into my body and flood me: “This is what he wants.”
There it is again – that wave. “This is what he wants.” I gently play over this thought a few more times, and notice each time, a dawning of understanding.
I push back the covers, flip onto my front and, lifting my upper body and head, look back at my ass cheeks, still faintly cane-streaked with red from the last meeting of sub and Sir. It feels like forever ago. That too was what he wanted. I certainly didn’t want the cane. I hated it – but it was what he wanted, and the way he did it? He knows how to bring out that submissive peace in me despite the pain, bringing me to the edge of fight or flight, and then just…carrying on. Gently at first, then harder, then softly once again – training the skin, moving the cruel, biting stick down the back of my legs with its stinging swipes, before stroking and spanking to numb the skin, then more of the cane…until I tip over, and I’m gone.
I feel a rush of warm liquid between my legs from deep within me at the memory.
“It was what he wanted, and it was so good for me.”
“Not today little one.”
This is what he wants, and could this too be good for me? To wait? To feel this desperation building up?
And then I feel my inner submissive let go and my mind go quiet – like a mental subspace. Just briefly but it’s potent. And it feels good, and I realise that every jangle of nerve and need and desire in my body right now is a reminder of my submission to him. It is feeding my submission, not denying it, and it is fulfilling me in a whole new and different way to how he has previously shown me.
It is a pleasure – a deep pleasure. The physical need for sex and pain diminishes just a little, and I find my mind begin to unravel and rest back in the feeling.
“Not today little one.”
I know that soon enough he will bring me back into that beautiful submissive place, but suddenly I don’t care when because this feeling is good. So good.
And I know he knows.